As an inhabitant of run-down seaside town on England’s rain-lashed North Sea coast, I’m probably not in a position to criticise, but…. Cleethorpes makes Whitley Bay look like Accupulco.

Still, Blundell Park was raised just yards from the sea-front, so if the match is rubbish you can always watch the oil-tankers on the distant sea that apparently does exist on the other side of the seemingly endless mudflats.

The other good news is that Grimsby away boasts a very basic, but always welcoming away pub in the shape of the back bar of The Leaking Boot Hotel, about 7 minutes walk up the main road heading away from the ground towards Cleethorpes town centre. Let’s hope they still have “Punk Hits of The 70’s” on the juke box, as it’s always a nice livener to blast one’s eardrums with the Sex Pistols before the match, loosening the tonsils with an impromptu karaoke, which one year turned into a full-blown mosh-pit.

The beer too is pretty basic, and since the mosh-pit year has been served in plastic beakers that invariably leak, but if the sun is shining and the wind less than force 8 you can meander into the spacious beer garden that runs along the back of the bar.

The ‘Boot does have two other bars which are a bit more civilised (probably because we’re not in them), mainly for home supporters, and its also convenient for a chippy for anyone wanting to partake of the area’s excellent local delicacy.

That apart there’s not really much else to recommend near the ground. You can shoe-horn yourself into The Imperial which is further down Grimsby Road towards the Stadium but life’s probably too short to be honest. Leaving the Leaking Boot to go there gives you that hollow “why have I bothered?” feeling.

In the town and next to Cleethorpes station well, what can I say? Anyone who reads these guides will know I don’t like to be overly critical of particular establishments, however if garish karaoke bars allegedly once frequented by the infamous Maxine Carr float your boat then you’re in for a treat, otherwise just don’t do it! I was once chased right down the road to the station by a barmaid for the heinous crime of buying a bottle of pils to take away from one of them.

In-keeping with the general eccentricity of the place the station boasts not one but two real ale bars, called, wait for it… The Number One and Number Two Refreshment Rooms. They are both actually well worth a visit for a quiet pint and The Number Two has won a CAMRA award for its efforts.

If it’s a nice day (yes I know I’ve jinxed it now) and you find yourself on the sea-front you can walk down to the ground, or a street that leads you to the Leaking Boot along the sea wall rather than Grimsby Road. I usually bus it from the main Road by the station which takes five minutes rather than using up 20 minutes valuable drinking time walking it, but if you’ve got the kids or fancy some sea air it’s a pleasant and unique approach to a football ground. Have a good trip all, and remember the match report will be late this week as I’m actually going to the game, sorry!!